bag me!

Sunday, jan. 23, 2005   |   0 comments

At the risk of revealing the true depths of my obsessive capabilities, I share with you my latest topic of deep and wide frustration, Operation Bag Hunt: I am on an endless, endless search for a bag to replace my cute and perfect and last-legs green bag, which I’ve had and worn the squirting hell out of for the last seven-plus years.

The Perfect Green Bag.

The reasons why this bag, bought at Marshalls for $20, is perfect are so very numerous. For one it’s an enormously cute green. Also it has pockets that exactly fit the things I truly need — i.e., my glasses and Sidekick — and they’re right in front, which makes them nice and accessible. Also easy-access-y is the zip-top closure (versus the flap-and-snap or flap-and-squeeze-clasp or flap-and-magnet closure which so many bag-makers so irritatingly embrace). And my 12-inch laptop fits right inside, still leaving lots of extra room for scarves and etc.! Plus the strap is super adjustable and it doesn’t have the rings at both ends, which means it rarely-to-never gets twisted. And there are no magnets anywhere to erase my BART cards and, maybe, completely destroy my computer. Nor are there any extraneous extras like a handle at the top or weird cinching clips at the side. See? Perfect! But now, finally, after many washings and much wear, the color is fading and the fabric weakening and the zippers going. My sad! Sad, sad, sad. Of course I’ve looked everywhere for a new one, all over the interweb and eBay, but Falchi seems to have moved on to ostrich crumple-bags in patchwork purple, teal, and gold. What? So I guess I have to find some new miracle bag-maker?

And I have looked. I’ve searched and searched for months and months, in e-stores and real stores. I’ve visited a million DIY sites, looking for maybe a long-shot, one-of-a-kind solution. But all I’ll I’ve found are almosts, not-quites, and compromise, compromise, compromise. The apple bag that Stitchpixie found looks as though it might have been really good (though perhaps not big or sturdy enough, which is why I’ve eyed but ultimately passed on semi-similar bags from LeSportsac), unfortunately, she’s already sold the only one she had.

Too flimsy, too already-sold.

Anatomy of a Skirt‘s Squid Bag is awesome, if maybe not secure enough (closure-wise) and too short (strap-wise), plus the white color is no longer available, and it’s much better than the brown, I think.

Too short, too color-I-want-is-no-longer-available-y.

LoopNYC almost gets it right, but the Male Hobo is too big and the Shoulder Hobo is too small. (I know because I’ve ordered and returned both — actually, I haven’t returned the Shoulder Hobo yet because they seem to be not returning my phone and email requests for a return tracking number, oops? So I think I might just own that bag now, shit?)

Too big …

… too small.

The Orange Sequoia Nylon MPS Handbag comes closest to the spirit of the Perfect Green Bag, but its dimensions are off (I need at least 9.5 inches of depth for the dumb laptop, and this bag is an inch shy).

Too shallow.

The Burton Snowboard Slingback is good, but it has magnetic closures.

Too magnetic, and maybe too alterna-corduroy.

PoodleUSA has some nice things, especially its Mess Bugs, but the bags suffer from the same Goldilocks problem of being too big or too small (also the company doesn’t sell their bags online and I’ve sent numerous emails to them and they’ve never answered, which speaks to a certain business nuttiness).

Too small, too PoodleUSA-crazy.

Yesterday I went to Flight 001 in Hayes Valley to poke and stroke their selection in person, and they had some Orla Kiely bags on sale, a designer who usually kills me with the insane attractiveness of her fabrics and designs (she and Marc Jacobs are the designers who really make me mad with wishing I had dollars and dollars), but there was something a little overly cute about the cup pattern of the sale bag — I tried walking around the store with it (bags are like shoes, you have to wear them awhile to see if they’re going to work, I am totally crazy), and after a few minutes I could already tell it was going to start wearing on me so I had to walk away.

A little too cute, plus suffers from a magnetic closure.

Flight 001 also had some Jack Spade bags on offer, which were nice and classic and felt really good, like QUALITY, but I couldn’t get over the general boringness of the colors, a particularly dead rainbow of tones. Navy blue brrrahh, cargo green hunnnh, “that same orange” glleeehhh…. And then there’s the flap.

Too boring, too flappy.

The April Bag from Clive is a little staid, but almost, almost okay, especially in the chocolate color, CHOCOLATE!, but it has a strange flap which one reviewer complained sticks straight up, which sounds bad.

Maybe too boring, maybe too flappy?

Maybe I could just rip the flap off of April? Or pay someone eight million dollars to duplicate every last shape, texture, form, and function of my Perfect Green Bag? I don’t know! it’s such a thorn in my side. A small, small thorn, but still, very pointy. Please advise!

UPDATE: Now you can read everyone’s bag recommendations!