biting boots and spinning skirts

Tuesday, nov. 11, 2003   |   0 comments

Oh man, I am wearing the most irritating outfit today. First of all, there’s this sweater with the three-quarter length sleeves that are too short to hold on to when I pull my coat on, so the sweater sleeves get bunched up way up over my elbows and I can’t dig them out because my coat sleeves are too narrow to reach up there.

I’m also wearing boots made by some bad someone who, for clearly satanic reasons, used poky plastic thread to attach the leather to the lining. So, on some small, molecular level, the boots saw into my legs as I walk, leaving me, at the end of a boot-wearing day, with a fine ring of scabbing around each calf. If I wear stockings, the boots snag through them. I tried sticking duct tape over the threads, but the stitching is so close to the lip of the boots that the tape has to wrap over to the outside to do any good. And it takes more energy than I have to spare to rock boots with duct tape accents.

The only way I can wear these boots is with knee socks. And, anyway, today’s knee socks suck, suck right down into my boots whenever I walk more than ten feet at a stretch. Sucks!

Lastly, my skirt spins. Each step I take nudges it incrementally clockwise, so by the time I walked my way into work this morning, my skirt had rotated clean around back to the to its starting position.

Actually, wouldn’t it be awesome to design a skirt deliberately to pinwheel? Like those amazing spinning hubcaps (mags?), which have their own axis that lets them spin backwards, against the forward-motion turn of the wheels? I’m picturing a skirt outfitted with panels of parachute fabric that catch the wind and spin the outer-skirting over a slippery, slippery under-slip. Or maybe a cord that you can pull to power the skirt, like a salad spinner?