folsom street fair, stripping, invisible dogs

Thursday, oct. 3, 2002   |   0 comments

This past weekend Caroleen, Jeff, Kevin, and I went to the Folsom Street Fair where we dipped our ears into a little rock, ate sausage and corn on the cob (purchased from the Phallic Phood Court), and eyed some naked people.

I’m sure you’ve already considered this, but we did a lot of brainstorming about how the nakeds got themselves to the fair, because there appeared to be no place for them to stash their car keys, unless … oh. Or maybe there’s some sort of door-to-door shuttle? Combination lockers for storing wallets and bus-riding outfits? Edible fruit leather shorts handed out at the gate? Or each naked had a pack mule, some close friend or sycophant who carried all the supplies? Hm.

Logistics aside, the nudity wasn’t all that eyebrow-raising. Maybe I’m getting older and more “whatever”, or maybe it’s living in San Francisco that does it, but all the leather and flesh seemed pretty ho-hum. The only thing that managed to scandalize me was the guy in the tight, tight blue jeans who had cut a small hole in the fly area of his pants and squeezed his shaved, tanned balls and … bat out into the open. (Caroleen: “XYZ, PDQ!”)

This is something I noticed the first time I went to a strip club: A partially dressed person is much more provocative than someone who’s completely nude. It turns out that, unless you go to one of those retro burlesque shows (as seen on “Real Sex”), strippers don’t actually strip in the “slowly taking off clothing to the tune of ‘You Can Leave Your Hat On’” sense anymore. They either come out on stage pre-stripped, or they start with a teeny stamp of fabric, which gets peeled off after about five seconds. There’s no suspense at all! My fantasy? Watching someone fight his or her way out of a pair of overalls, tights, rubber rainboots, and a leotard, to the tune of filk favorite “Do the Hokey Pokey”.

The other amazing thing I saw at the Fair was someone walking an INVISIBLE DOG! That’s at the very top of my list of “Insta-Crazy Accessories”. Other items that say “I’m totally insane” include: pinatas, raw chicken, and flour sifters.

Me, posing thousands of feet away from a very small band.