mistake lunch special

Monday, oct. 27, 2003   |   0 comments

Mistakes were made at lunch today. Serious mistakes!

For one, I put off eating until one million o’clock, which always primes me for bad decision-making. For two, when I left the office in search of food, I was shaking with the hollow, echoing feeling of over-caffeination.

Punched as I was by the one-two of panicking amounts of coffee combined with standard hunger debilitation, I fell straight into a towering “smoked turkey and caeser’s salad on focaccia” sandwich. All of those things, turkey and lettuce and dressing and, I swear, CROUTONS, crammed between two oily slices of bread. A sandwich with pieces of bread between its pieces of bread! I had to unhinge my jaw to get it in me, had to employ my special protective-film eyelids to shield my eyes from the carnage of this sandwich. Because eat it I did, all of it.

Now my mouth frowns with a garlic hangover too powerful for any gum to penetrate. Like a submarine plunged too deep, my belly growls under the strain of heavy creamy sandwich filling. Who, who did this to me?! Oh. Me did. Me is murder!