my boring brain, some ways to go crazy, and a yay

Friday, nov. 21, 2003   |   0 comments

hey, yay

I just noticed that my people I’d have sex with to avoid “dialing down the middle” with carrot top, as revealed by a recent game of “who would I rather sleep with?” went live over in McSweeney’s list section way back on November 12th. Surprise!

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some ways to go crazy: just a few suggestions

2AM, walking home from that bar BAR (“Where are you guys?” “At the BAR!” “What bar?” “This conversation has already burned through the last six ounces of my will to live.” “Wait, WHERE?”), Todd and I saw this woman swinging from a tree, like on an actual swing with an actual seat and two actual ropes tying it to a branch. The swing hadn’t been there when we had walked to the bar hours before, so clearly she had brought it with her, special, just so she could swing and smile the night away like some kind of nutty Tori Amos-video. (“Did you just …” “Yes. Shh. Keep walking.”)

You know what else makes you instacrazy? A unicyle. It doesn’t matter if you’re riding it or trying to ride it or just kind of standing near one. The crazy that radiates from unicycles is that powerful.

If you’re going for a more subtle-kind of crazy, I say try walking without swinging your arms — it even makes you feel crazy, and not zany crazy but hidden-weapon crazy. Your audience may not recognize what’s wrong with your picture on any conscious level, but their submerged, lizard brain will pick up the menacing energy. And then you’ll be FAMOUS! We all will! See?

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my boring brain: a conversation

evany: (i’m now taking 20 different vitamin and supplement pills a day!)
evany: (I hate taking pills!)
gene: (wow, that’s a lot!)
evany: (yeah! I’m vitamin CRAZY right now!)
evany: (but my skin, magically, is clear! but i don’t know if it’s the new skin scrub I’ve been using, or the vitamins, and if it’s the vitamins, I don’t know which one it is!)
gene: (is your skin usually not clear?)
evany: (no! I have weird, irritating teenager acne!)
gene: (hmm)
evany: (the other good side effect of vitamin taking? you have to drink a lot of water [to get the pills down]! so it almost takes care of the eight glasses of water a day thing!)
evany: (so maybe the clear skin is thanks to all the water?)
evany: (or maybe the battery of skin frying I did with Leisa?)
gene: (well the water can only help – it helps 90% of conditions, did you know that? Most people aren’t adequately hydrated)
evany: (This is such bad science! I always do this, try eight million things simultaneously, so there’s no possible way to figure out what’s working.)
evany: (The end!)

Poor Gene. Can you believe I make him listen to this stuff? Wait! I think I may have just cracked the mystery: What if it’s all the typing to Gene that’s keeping my skin clear?

Problem? SOLVED!