oh, baby

Tuesday, aug. 5, 2008   |   0 comments

Sometimes I think having a baby might be nice, but neither Marco nor I seem to have developed the all-import Baby Fever, nor has the even-more-compelling Accident of Fate seems to have occurred. Without Fever or Accident, the baby-thinking seems to keep getting back-burnered. And now that I’m 38, it seems the decision may have already been made through lack of deciding, what with my eggs being mostly rotten by now?

Sometimes I think about adoption, though given my luck with picking out mealy, tasteless produce, and non-functioning used automobiles, and bathtub-peeing, fireplace-shitting cats, I’m pretty much guaranteed to choose a lemon…like a kid who wears patchouli or a burning man. Really it’s the whole responsibility of of choosing (versus having it genealogically beyond my control) that scares me. Maybe if the choice weren’t up to me and my Black Hand of Bad Picks, like if the child was just magically left on my doorstep? (Though after that “adoptive child as lemon” analogy, I’m guessing no one’s going to trust their kid to me now.)

Sometimes I think I’ll be fine without ever reproducing, that my wide circle of active and child-free friends, plus my wide circle of friends with awesome kids, together we will fill that need for family.

And sometimes I worry that ten-years-from-now-Evany is going to be very sad that she procrastinated her way out of motherhood, and twenty-years-from-now-Evany is going to be sort of disconnected from the world, without a pair of young eyes to see everything through?

Hm.