scenes from a mall

Wednesday, may. 23, 2007   |   0 comments

SCENE ONE
Amazonian in Forever 21, holding up one of those pairs of keychain-sized short-short shorts that are inexplicably in right now, to her friend: “Are these too long, you think?”

SCENE TWO
Dad, sitting alone in the magnificent and cacophonous Sun Valley Mall food court, almost surely waiting for his embarrassed daughters to return. His head dips once, twice, and then ahhhhhll the way down into full-on slumber.

SCENE THREE
A 15-year-old girl teeter-tottering around in 5-inch heels, a gold lame ruched top, and no pants…completely sober.

SCENE FOUR
Having recently ruined my Sidekick II by overzealously using a safety-pin to clean the dirt out of the cracks and holes in the Listening Area, thereby puncturing its eardrum and causing all callers to sound like Peanuts parents accompanied by subtle feedback screeching, I went into the T-Mobile store to discover if enough time had passed for me to qualify for an upgrade. And I did! Only even with the upgrade, the Sidekick III was going to set me back $200, which seemed way too hard. So I let the nice T-Mobliler talk me into the Sidekick ID ($100 with rebate). It’s cheaper because it has no Bluetooth, which…whatever. It also doesn’t have a camera, which is fine because I never really use the Sidekick camera because it’s pretty sucky. But, more importantly, the Sidekick ID has a really great street name: it’s AKA “the SKID,” which is entirely awesome, and also makes way for lots of pun times, like “I’m sorry, I was only SKIDding” or “SKIDs these days!” Best of all, my purchase enabled this particular one-act play:

[STAGE DIRECTION: Evany hands the T-Mobiler her credit card to pay for the Sidekick ID.]

T-Mobiler: Thanks. Can I see your ID?

[STAGE DIRECTION: Evany hands the T-Mobiler her new Sidekick ID. T-Mobiler stares at her, totally puzzled.]

Evany, reaching into her wallet for her identification: Ha, ha! Who’s on first!

T-Moblier: That’s funny, how you said “Who’s on first.”

I kept waiting for him to finish with the story of why it was so funny that I mentioned “Who’s on first,” like maybe there was a big “Who’s on first” reenactment at the latest T-Mobile employee jamboree? But that was it. That’s just his style, he notes the funny and then he cites the essence of that funny, all very earnestly and without a trace of sarcasm. I love him!

It reminds me of the time Jill and I were on our milkshake tour of the country, and we stopped to sample the famous raspberry shakes in Utah’s Bear Lake region. I was happily sipping and checking my email on my Sidekick when a man came up to me and said, “Is that a blackberry?” And I said, “No, this is raspberry.” The guy, all confused: “No…uh, I mean your little computer there.” Me: “Hahaha!”