tomorrow, today

Sunday, aug. 31, 2003   |   0 comments

I just got this AOL CD in the mail, offering me 1045 hours free. One thousand and forty-five! What the hell? First of all, why not one thousand hours? That’s nice and round and, really, plenty enough. Have focus groups proved those extra forty-five hours to be the real deal-clinchers? I don’t know. I really do not know what’s going on anymore.

A 1045-free-hour disc! It’s like a hyperbolic prop from a 1995 movie about the not-so-distant future, like when Marty McFly visits tomorrowland and everyone is wearing two ties at once and riding floating skateboards, and maybe we see this McDonalds sign saying “one googleplex sold!” and the audience murmurs, haha, can you imagine that?

Relatedly, I saw Demolition Man last week (or, I should say, I saw the last three-fifths of Demolition Man, because that’s all I ever do since I got fancy, supersonic cable, flit from the ending of one bad movie to another, which can’t be good, never getting to the beginning of things — perhaps that’s why I’ve been finding it so hard to start anything new these days? let alone finish?), and it was riddled with “crazy, crazy future” devices, like how sex doesn’t involve touching anymore and nobody uses swears and Dennis Leary lives in the sewers. And Taco Bell is the only restaurant! Not only that, but it’s super-fancy! See how crazy things turn out? Best product placement ever, except not really because it actually felt kind of apocalyptic, like a cautionary tale about how you, and I, and probably Sylvester Stallone should stop eating chalupas stat, before it’s too late.

Dear FutureMe,

Please turn off the faucet that pumps scalding-hot Starbucks directly in to your home. Get out of your governmentally required turn on the cybereality show “Blow Me Island.” Step away from the crotchless fruit-leather pants and aromatherapy bra. And just sit that (still!) snack ass down and get started. I don’t care what it is. Just go. Go!

Frenching you from here,
Evany 2003

Isn’t Jay‘s new site the cutestest?