sacks and balls (another recap)

Saturday, nov. 25, 2006   |   0 comments

Get this: there’s another Desperate Housewives recap now available for clicking! Male-parts-related highlights include:

“Overly menstrual-focused men are creepy: I once had a hippie tell me, with a serene smile, that he thought a woman’s moon time was like a beautiful flower that blooms every month, and thus should be celebrated, not bemoaned. And then I punched him right in his hacky sack.”

“Carlos calls Tom “T Rex,” and they slap hands and inquire into the status of each other’s balls, specifically how they’re hanging. Apparently, Tom’s are hanging “low and lazy.” Now, is he using balls as a metaphor for his entire state of mind here, which is “lazy”? Or is he literally calling his balls “lazy,” as in a “lazy eye,” as in sort of drifting? Balls are so freaky. Other body parts that freak me out: the roof of the mouth, and the belly button. Perhaps I should mention that it’s actually 3:30 AM right now, and I’m typing at you in a sleep-deprived roar, desperately trying to get his recap done before I leave town. But…the belly button? It’s like this huge puncture scar right in the middle of our smooth bellies! This terrible interruption! But I guess balls are worse. They’re like sea anemones, expanding and contracting and sort of…roaming. Or so I’ve heard. From your mother!”

THE TALLY
Wordcount: 7,934
Hours: one million trillion (I actually pulled an all-nighter this week, typing from dark to dawn, plus a few hours Wednesday, and some hours Thursday morning, and maybe Friday morning, I don’t know, the whole thing was one endless blackout)
Beverages consumed: one tall, tall iced tea, plus turkey, stuffing, stuffing, and pie, pie, pie

when is your birthday, again?

Friday, nov. 24, 2006   |   0 comments

The “Imperialistic Spiral Dragon” from Z Gallerie, perfect for everyone from magicians to bod-mods. (16” x 5”)

all stuffed up

Thursday, nov. 23, 2006   |   0 comments

Dinner went okay! The apple chestnut stuffing was toothsome, the turkey was somehow moist (even though after just two hours in the oven, the meat fell off the bone at the base of the drumstick — like a girl kicking off the stirrups of her stirrup pants, circa 1988 — which filled me with much unease), the mashed potatoes were tops, even the gravy sort of worked. Surprise! The roasted brussel sprouts, on the other hand, were mildly overdone, and the pumpkin pie was a little…loose, but my mom’s baby carrots with lemon ginger sauce and her green beans with pecans more than made up for my wobbles.

We had a little wine, and beer, and lingonberry-apple fizzy drink, and my dad and stepmother brought a gigantor bouqyay of sunflowers and Marbles and Piggy both wore their flirty Fall scarves for almost two whole hours before they lost their minds. It was all so nice! Maybe it’s time to tackle my own hundred-mile meal? (That was sick, huh, how smooth I segued into a link to my favorite Paul’s odd little article up at Wired News? Almost as smooth as how he managed to work a nod to Oulipo into an article about food, which in turn he managed to work onto a site about technology.)

chestnuts and leather animals

Wednesday, nov. 22, 2006   |   0 comments

Tomorrow I’m cooking my very first thanksgiving dinner, and all four of my parents are coming over. I’m pretty excit-o-nervous about the whole thing, as I’m not exactly the best cook that ever was? So not only am I worried about everything tasting like food, but the timing of all the different elements is sort of boggling my inexperienced brain. I sat down and typed up a schedule today (“3pm: turkey out, stuffing in, potatoes on”), but I don’t have much faith that it’s actually going to help matters much. No matter how much advanced scheming I do, whenever I cook there always seems to be that one straggling dish that comes limping down the final stretch a full hour after all the others, greeted by an anemic patter of “good for you“ applause from the three people still left in the stadium.

But I’m still going to try to get everything across that finish line at more or less the same time, just like the plucky runners in Mr. Rogers’ eye-wringing commencement speech:

Have you heard my favorite story that came from the Seattle Special Olympics? Well, for the 100-yard dash there were nine contestants, all of them so-called physically or mentally disabled. All nine of them assembled at the starting line and at the sound of the gun, they took off. But not long afterward one little boy stumbled and fell and hurt his knee and began to cry. The other eight children heard him crying; they slowed down, turned around and ran back to him. Every one of them ran back to him. One little girl with Down Syndrome bent down and kissed the boy and said, “This’ll make it better.” And the little boy got up and he the rest of the runners linked their arms together and joyfully walked to the finish line. They all finished the race at the same time. And when they did, everyone in that stadium stood up and clapped and whistled and cheered for a long, long, time. People who were there are still telling the story with great delight. And you know why. Because deep down, we know that what matters in this life is more than winning for ourselves. What really matters is helping others win too. Even if it means slowing down and changing our course now and then.

So tonight is all about prep work: I’ve peeled up some chestnuts and chunked and dried up some bread for the chestnut and apple stuffing. For his part, Marco has shampooed the rugs, scrubbed the toilet and the counters and the blinds (!), and I think I may have even spotted him on his hands and kness in the bathroom, hand-mopping the floor with a sponge?

And then starting at 7am tomorrow, Marco’s going surfing and I’m tackling the pumpkin pie, then turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, and brussel sprouts! And wine of course. Chugs and chugs of wine.

Until then, I leave you with this, a menagerie of the cutest 24-dollar leather animal keychains ever assembled:

loving made with love by hannah

Tuesday, nov. 21, 2006   |   0 comments

I just discovered Made With Love by Hannah, and my head is spinning with all the cute she’s managed to sew into this world. If you know me at all, then you’ll understand why I’m particularly drawn to her hand-made tree skirts with reposition-able animal pins (bunnies and birdies and skunkies and squirrels and snailies), both the summery version and the cozy wintertime ones, which are so up my ally, I almost feel violated. Just look what she did!