the pig and the squirrel

Wednesday, nov. 15, 2006   |   0 comments

I took the Pork Chop for a sad old-lady walk-jog around the lake today, and apart from trying to kill me by repeatedly lurching under my feet (and then glaring at me when I stepped on her toes), she was a very good dog. Until we got to the final stretch, a particularly tree-y section, and Piggy lost her mind. She reared up on her hindquarters and pogo-ed up and down, screaming her other-worldly scream as she boinged and boinged. There was a squirrel, you see. And “squirrel” is the magical key that unlocks this particular dog’s mind and sweeps her off to a planet of complete unhingedness. I tried calling her name, all her names. I tried to make eye contact, tried to pull her back to sanity with a tug on her leash. But it was just, “Piggy’s not here right now. If you’d like to leave a message….”

And…that’s it, the end of the story. The squirrel ran up, up and away, and slowly Piggy’s brain reattached itself to her body, and she fell back into step beside me. And now she’s lying in the crook of my knee, fast asleep, her little toes twitching and her jaws clacking. Get ‘em, Piggy!

ebay all the way

Tuesday, nov. 14, 2006   |   0 comments

I’ve been going a little overboard in the ebay department lately. Today alone, I bid my way to victory on all these things:

This is a vintage linen tablecloth from textile genius Vera, but the big plan is to use it as an open-closet-blocking curtain. Or as one side of a to-be-stitched duvet cover. Or as a skirt. Or something.

This is also from Vera, and it might prove to be a little too Mrs. Roper? Or it could be very cute, if paired with the right item, like a very tall glass of vodka.

I bought this mildly hippie pin in kind of a fevered haze, but…ninety-nine cents!

And then I’m super coveting this wee burl-wood side table…

…but sadly Marco lacks the vision necessary to comprehend its beauty — he just keeps getting hung up on its 1970s-snuff-film qualities. But I’ve got 4 days, 15 hours, and 11 minutes to chip away at his wrongness!

the three evanys

Monday, nov. 13, 2006   |   0 comments

Present Evany sometimes doesn’t take the best care of Future Evany. Present Evany will often watch television late into the night, leaving Future Evany to pick up the pieces later. And of course when Present Evany wakes up the next morning to find herself stuck with the fate of Future Evany — looming deadlines with maddenly crunched time and deprived sleep — suddenly it’s Past Evany who’s the big villain. We all hate Past Evany.

Edited to add: what an ideal moment to point to friend Jay‘s FutureMe service (self-addressed emails sent back…to the future)! And thanks, too, to friend Becky for both the futureme reminder and the safety-in-numbers sanity check.

o yay!

Sunday, nov. 12, 2006   |   0 comments

I’m so excited! My book got a really nice mention in the spanking-new December issue of O Magazine! It’s in the “BibliO” (!) subsection of the “reading room,” under the subtitle “Deliciously quirky books about visionaries, truth tellers, and bedmates who sleep in style.” And here’s exactly what got said:

“Hugely entertaining and deadpan smart, Evany Thomas’s The Secret Language of Sleep (McSweeney’s) details 39 positions for dormant lovers, from Melting Spoons (that’s Classic Spooning for codependents) to Starfish and Conch (‘the preferred position for couples who fight well together’) and Sixth Posture of the Perfumed Forest (one hand on stomach, opposite elbow across eyes). Amelia Bauer’s line drawings, evocative of prim 1950s sex guides, give this tiny volume its tart appeal.” Isn’t that the best? I am HAPPY!

Meanwhile, and I’m not just saying this because Oprah called my book “hugely entertaining and deadpan smart,” but doesn’t the mighty O look seriously great on December’s cover?

Edited to add: Andrew just filed a complaint about the above entry. “Thanks a lot,” it reads, “the book reviews are my favourite part of my Omag (that’s what we call it on the O discussion boards), and now when my subscription comes this month, I’ve already had part of it ruined for me. JEEZ.” My apologies to Andrew…and also to the rest of yew.

still totally desperate

Saturday, nov. 11, 2006   |   0 comments

Yet another Housewives recap:

Shot Through The Heart, And Everyone’s To Blame
It’s a Bon Jovial good time in Fairview this week, when Jackie from Roseanne — deranged by a six-year diet and news that husband Harve(Gar)y gives love a bad name (a bad name) — takes an entire grocery store hostage. Lynette gets shot and lives, Snora gets shot and dies, Susan gets to use a bullhorn, and everyone feels wildly guilty about something.

This week’s wordcount: 8331
Hours of typing: 11 (ugh)
Coffee consumed: two cups (possibly 3, or 4)
Beers: two