tummies moving in and out

Friday, nov. 10, 2006   |   0 comments

Marco and I were walking down Piedmont Avenue a few weeks ago when we noticed a shelf stacked with three stuffed-animal puppies in the window of one of the odd little stores down there. Each puppy was curled into a ball and tucked into a little blanket, with a hand-written “adopt me” sign beside it. Marco and I leaned in to admire the craziness of the adoption signs when I heard Marco suck in his breath. “Oh my god, are they’re breathing?“ And oh my god they were.

From the Breathing Perfect Pets website:

Here is a great gift idea. These plush dogs and cats actually breathe. They look very realistic when their tummys are moving in and out like they are really breathing. We have several stuffed breatheable dogs and some cats too. These breathing puppies come with their own blanket to lay on and a cardboard carrying case as well as a certificate of adoption and a care manual. These pets that breath are sure to be a great hit!

Do you see the bowls of water in those photos? (Insane.) And the “bad doggy/kitty, you go sleep outside” punishment deck atmosphere? (Totally insane!)

the feel-great movie of the year

Thursday, nov. 9, 2006   |   0 comments

You know what movie looks like a ton of fun? Babel.

unexpectedly unexpected

Wednesday, nov. 8, 2006   |   0 comments

The Safeway next door just underwent a grand remodel, and to celebrate the new look, they rented a huge hot-air balloon thing and placed it on the roof for the weekend. The base of the balloon featured a sign that declared the New Safeway’s New Slogan: “Experience the Unexpected.” (Caroleen, dropping me off after our immense dog hike on Saturday, 8+ miles!, saw that tagline and said, “Wait, my groceries are how much?”)

You can just smell the focus group on that one, a bunch of people sitting around a beige conference table, checks in their pockets, cheeks flushed with the titillation of hidden cameras, saying things like, “What about animatronic fiddlers in the cereal aisle?” and “Groin-level massaging fingers in the meat section, please!” and “I want that feeling of someone finally loving me back, only inside my grocery basket.” And then the focus testers boiled it all down to “Experience the Unexpected.” But if any sane person actually thought about it for two seconds, that sane person would realize that the last thing a grocery shopper wants out of a grocery store is Exxxtreme Unexpectedness. No, what I really want is just “Everything Exactly Where I Thought It Would Be, and Also Some 2% Milk.” Or something that at least describes the actual New Safeway experience with a degree of accuracy, like, “More Aged Panini Sandwiches, Less Actual Groceries” or “Thirty Feet of Ice Cream, Plus Magazines to Look at While You Wait to Buy Up and Start Gorging.” But “Experience the Unexpected,” that is neither desirable or accurate.

But then on Sunday Marco rolled over to get some dried apricots and a can of tomatoes, and he was gone for a very, very long time. “How was the celebration that is the new Safeway?” I asked him when he finally got back. “Nothing was where I expected it to be!” he said, all frustrated. He totally experienced the unexpected! So maybe they got it right after all. By which I mean the tagline, which is at least accurate. The store itself, however, they did not get right at all.

Edited to add: Jill just emailed to remind me of the banner that the Safeway at Church and Market flew after their big remodel, which read “Re-Grand Opening!” Jill? I think you’re re-awesome.

pain in the astrology

Tuesday, nov. 7, 2006   |   0 comments

Why is it that when my horoscope (which I’ve become unexpectedly obsessed with lately) is finally accurate, it’s about me getting sick? Susan Miller told me to “stay strong near the full moon of November 5, when a cold could drain you a bit,” and right on cue, I’ve been feeling ominously sneezy and hot-flashed ever since Sunday.

Per the advice of the sooth-stars, I have indeed been trying to stay strong, fizzing down Airbornes ploppers and cutting back on my windsprints. And I was actually beginning to feel pretty much better. But then tonight I drove out to San Francisco to vote, only to discover that I’d totally forgotten that I’d remembered to register in Oakland. So the San Francisco voter volunteers at the church on 23rd at Mission (always, always a weird bunch, and chatty beyond all sense, almost as though they’d been bribed to slow down the voting process to a prohibitively excruciating pace) had me drop my ballots into a sealed envelope that they claimed was for voters who’d arrived at the wrong voting spot. They said my vote would be counted after it had been verified that I was indeed registered, but since I’m not at all convinced that there’s a late-night posse in place for that kind of background checking, I’m pretty sure my vote landed directly in the trash. After I dropped my secretly sealed placebo ballet into the abyss (now no one will ever know whether I yayed or nayed San Francisco’s bold, unexpected call to impeach the president and Cheney!), I went and ate tamale after tamale with Liz, Heidi, and Ivan. And then we may have gone for a drink at Pop’s. Way to stay strong! And now I’m home and back to feeling listless and cross-eyed. Turns out knowing the future doesn’t really change anything.

(k)nots landing

Monday, nov. 6, 2006   |   0 comments

Today I found the best blog, a blog dedicated to nothing but woodgrain products (which as you know, make me swoon). The internet is full of wonder. And now, also, WOODGRAIN! The blog has the satisfyingly apt name “It’s (K)not Wood“ — note that the buried parenthletter also acts as a visual metaphor for a knot itself? I love, love, love that, when words are an active demonstration what they describe. Which, again, is why I find Camel Case to be such a depressingly missed opportunity.

Okay but here are just some of my favorite (K)notty finds:

A stitched wrap skirt from Kiku, did you see that pocket? It’s a stinking, downy, fluffy cuteoberfest of a baby owl.

The pretty subtle and pretty screenprint zipper purse from Egg Press.

And the wood heart tee from option-g, for anyone with a thing 4 flammable love organs. (Here!)