kungfu-grip hand models: get your smudgy resumes here!

Wednesday, apr. 9, 2008   |   0 comments

I live on a street overrun with nail salons (we have six, all essentially indistinguishable with the big, brown vibrating chairs and the gigantic hand-claw-holding-rose stencil on the window), dusty copy shoppes (we have four, each packed with elderly, sun-darkened Xerox machines that look too decrepit to do anything but tear and crunch your documents, and usually are), and martial arts studios, of which there are three:

First we have the very competent-looking place up the street, which is always filled with grim-faced men with zero body-fat and oatmeal-hued outfits, no real surprises there.

Then we have the dojo downstairs, scene of the pugly surprise party and home of the flashing sign (with swap-out-able seasonal framing) that scrolls out the most be-typoed, maddeningly mis-punctuated craziness ever: “Dont be a stastic Learn ‘HOW’ to be aware in any setting!” and “Come in and feel ‘how quality’ martial arts can enhance your Life!” They also seem to specialize in a strange sort of slap-fighting, with gangly, acne-prone children facing off in a Pattycake stance and paddling each other with loose, flappy arms?

And then there’s the fantastic place just up the street, which first of all has the world’s greatest and most optimistic sandwich board out front: “Self defense! Grappling! Tumbling! Motivation! Confidence! FUN birthday parties!” I love that “FUN” they added in there, like, “Looks good, looks good…but should we add some FUN in there? Because otherwise, that birthday you’re describing, it sounds less like a celebration and more like military school or maybe a fraternity party? Just a thought.”

Better still, they have a huge television sitting in the window, and it’s on a 24-hour video loop that is just packed with the most sweaty, erotic-looking grappling I’ve ever scene:

The windows of this strangely office-y looking dojo are always steamed up, so you can’t really see inside, but thanks to the semi-porn they have playing in the window, you can always well-imagine what’s going on in there. It’s a lot to think about. And people do often stop and ponder out front.

I once left the house on a drizzly morning, walked up the block, then circled when I realized I needed an umbrella. When I returned five minutes later, the same Alhambra Water delivery man I spotted my first time out was standing in front of the dojo, rooted in front of that looping grapple video. So FUN!


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